April 18th, 2011

Does it feel like a Thursday to anyone but me?

Odd.

The calendar says Monday, but my little brain is *pretty* convinced it's a Thursday (or Friday!) and the weekend is just a few hours away. Alas... reality is trying to tell me it's not so!

Is everyone ready for a new week? Only 2 weeks left in April! Which means, only 2 weeks left in classes for this SEMESTER! Wow. Two weeks, and then it's over! Well, okay, to be *technical*, after those two weeks we have a week of finals (minor detail) and a week of Conference leading up to the graduation. So, that totals it to 4 weeks till I say goodbye to Oklahoma City for a month of traveling abroad! Yeah!! =)

Although I will be sorry to leave, in a tiny way. Right now it is very beautiful on campus. The huge oak and beech trees have exploded into green, sweeping the manicured lawns and sidewalks with heavy leafy shade. The tulips and pansies are in full bloom. =) It is sunny, and just the right touch of humidity blending with the warmth to make it just *delicious* for a nice stroll or to sit on a bench reading a textbook or the Bible.

In other ways, spring is less than appealing. Tests. Long hours. Little sleep. Atrocious moments with the roommates. Deadlines. Stress. LOTS of stress... And a lot of changes in the making. To be completely honest, I hate spring. It is, by far, my *least favorite* season.

But there is a really neat verse that my little brother Dmitri showed me once, a long time ago. It says "For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; the fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell..."

Is that not the most lovely passage? It is from the Song of Solomon 2:11-13.

The past week has been very difficult, but God is always the same, always good. And I know that even when I can't see the spring, He is still the Creator of all the seasons and will send it in His time.

I hope everyone has been having a good month.

I received some really exciting news at work! Now that I am certified in all the modules across the bakery & cafe, I was selected by my manager to be promoted to a store-wide trainer! WOW!!!!!!!!! This is really quite huge. The other girl selected has been working at PaneraBread for a year. It's incredible that I was chosen among the many other employees. I was stunned when I heard the news, let me tell you, and overcome with God's blessing. It will be a hard road ahead. I go through training and testing starting May 7th (a Saturday) so I would really appreciate some prayers for this new step! I, the new girl, will be not so new much longer... I'll be in charge of officially training and inducting others. Wow. Time is amazing.

P.S. The mint crinkle cookie is no longer being sold at PaneraBread, but has been replaced by the chocolate duet cookie. I prefer the mint crinkle. This is sad. I have considered quitting. But..... maybe I'll stick it out a little bit longer. I hear we're getting a strawberry-poppy seed salad just as soon as the blueberry crop comes in! Yeah! =D

April 11, 2011

I'm afraid that people may have forgotten about my blog. =( I suppose it's my fault for not posting more regularly! I just hope they haven't forgotten about me. Spring is here. My least-favorite season of the year. Sigh. I still feel like the new girl around. So it is difficult to realize that the semester is quickly fading to a close, and I will be filling out papers as a "return student." And I'll no longer be brand-new, I'll be one of the affiliates of Heartland, Panera Bread, Oklahoma City. Wow. It seems incredible. I find myself missing what I had. I don't like change very much at all. But God has been very good to me in this new place. He has given me the most amazing job, a safe and comfortable place to live, food and health, and good grades in my classes. He has also put me in a church with incredible sermons and music that has really helped my spiritual growth! What have I been up to? Not much, I apologize with a small laugh. Everyday I am up before dawn to get ready for my classes, do my chores, and prepare for work. Classes from 7am until 2... and I have 10 minutes to be in my car driving to work, in full uniform. I work 40 hours a week, so I'm there until 10:30 every night, except for WEdnesday nights of course, because I go to church. =) When I do have a few free minutes - and I mean as many as 10 minutes - I find myself curling up anywhere, to just take a baby nap. I am so tired these days, as my body and mind try to keep up with the crazy pace. How has everyone been? I have a few papers due this week, and several big projects. On Friday morning, I am teaching a science class. I'm very apprehensive about this. It's worth a large part of my grade for the semester, and I'm also not very comfortable with my subject and the students, so it will be diffiult. I would please ask some prayer that I can get properly prepared and that God would bless! Well, break is up at work and I"m going back inside to work till close tonight. It's sunny outside, about 80 degrees, and I've been writing this sitting in the sunshine, sipping ice sweet tea and eating an asiago bagel, toasted, glazed over with honey and a dash of nutmeg. =) Mmmm. Working at Panera sure has its perks =) I'm also training a new girl today! Times have definitely changed since I was the newbie wandering around cluelessly. I sure do love my job. I hope everyone has a good day. Please keep in contact! I think of you all fondly.

April 7th, 2011

My COMPUTER IS FIXED!!!!!!!! =D Thanks to my dad and mom, and my best friend, and a person God tossed into my life just recently, I officially have a working computer again!!! So happy!!!!!! =D Expect posts to follow soon! I missed my blog and my readers. H0w is everyone????

March 27, 2011

~SPRING BREAK~

The picture is of my first day of spring break, with my grandparents at the Tucson Airport, where they flew me in to spend the holidays with family.

In retrospect, a very hard year still yields evidence of God's goodness, for which I have to be thankful. Last March, I was sick, frightened, and hospitalized in just the beginning of a rollercoaster of horror. A year later, the world looks different.

Last spring break, my mom and my baby brother Kendon flew from Ukraine to be with me in the hosptial. A year later... they're back again, and we're hanging out in the endless space of The SouthWest with nothing more pressing than fitting in all the laughter.

Although life isn't perfect, there is a sharp contrast between this spring break and last. And I just wanted to say that it's pretty incredible to me right now.

March 4th, 2011

New! At school! And very unhappy....

Why?

Because I hate unjustified expectations! And it seems that life is abounding with them right now. What do I mean?

-You're too quiet

-You're not sociable enough

-You smile too much

-You talk too much

-You don't talk enough

-You should be more fun

-You should calm it down

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.!

Well, although these come at me from every angle in life, I wasn't expecting so much criticism when I came to school. It is impossible to please everyone! And I know that all that matters at the end of the day is that I am pleasing God and myself.

While contiplating what to make my next post on, I came to the realization looking over my NewsFeed on Facebook that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Don't we all feel pressured in life? Categorized? Evaluated? Criticized? I know I'm not alone in having this situation in life. People see you, meet you, hear about you, whatever - and they expect certain things from you. How you should act. How you should sound. What you should care about or be interested in. But we can't perform to everyone's expectations, and often, especially when it is someone we love or someone we look up to, I think we might find ourselves frustrated with trying to change ourselves to please them all.

That end is anger, frustration, bitterness, sadness, etc.

What to do?!?!

"Why are you sitting by yourself?"

"Because I would like some quiet and to focus on the sermon tonight."

The offended look, the judging glance. I expected you to have a different response...

You can shrug it off.

Or try to change to please them.

Or??

Well. That has been somewhat of my puzzlement for many years. How DO I make others happy with who I am, when I feel I have to change in order to do that?

God gave me the answer in a really amazing sermon. Pastor Jason Gaddis is the young new pastor of Southwest Baptist Church, where I now attend at school. He stepped up into position, following in the legacy of a very great and renowned pastor, Sam Davidson. How intimidating!!

He preached a message the God used to speak RIGHT into my soul. "How can I fill Sam Davidson's shoes?!" was the question he struggled with. He knew that so many thousands of church members, college students, and other churches would be looking at him with expectations, judgments, evaluations, criticisms (whether well meant or not). I love the answer that God gave him, because it was the answer I need.

"Jason, what size shoe do you wear?"

"Um... size 10, Lord."

"Jason, what size shoe does Sam Davidson wear?"

"Well, he wears size 13 cowboy boots, Lord."

"Jason, you can never fit into those shoes."

"What am I to do, Lord??!"

"Jason, don't you realize that when I created you, before you were born, I determined what size feet you were going to have? And I knew the life that I was going to put before you. Jason, you will never fit into Sam's shoes because I did not create you to! I created you with your own unique shoe size, and that is where I will be the happiest with you. You can't try and try to fill in someone else's shoes. To try to live up to other people's expectations or desires. You have to be who *I* created you to be, and look to *ME* and then you will be in my will, and I can use you!!"

Wow. This little dialogue as related by Pastor Gaddis touched my heart!!!!

Do I need change? Of course! I will never come to a place where I will stop needing to grow. I am growing and praying that God will change my life to be better for HIM! And God gave me great peace through that sermon. That he created me exactly how he wanted. And he knew that he wasn't going to make me sociable. And he knew that he wasn't going to make me slow-and-steady. And that's okay!! No matter what anyone else thinks or wants! =D

And once I accept this, there is peace. No frustration, anger, hurt, discouragement. PEACE! And God can grow me now. Will he change those things in my life? Possibly. But then it will be HIM changing ME for HIS glory, and not me conforming to other people.

Let me tell you, I am so encouraged right now. Because I know I'm not perfect.... but God didn't create me perfect! He created me as ME and He wants the pleasure of changing me Himself, in His own will, to His own glory and purposes, at His own timing!!

I hope this was a blessing to someone.

I'm not mad at any person as I write this, so I assuredly hope that none of my readers who personally know me will find any reason to take offense. But this was what God put on my heart to share, because I know that I'm not alone.

FILL YOU OWN SHOES!!

And let GOD change you for His own purposes!!!

I hope everyone is doing well. Let me know how you're doing! Spring is almost here! =)

The verse I leave is from Revelation 4:11.

"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for THOU has created all things, and for THY PLEASURE they are and were created."

I hope this was a blessing. =)

February 26th, 2011

Can you believe that this month is practically over? And March is peeking just around the corner? Seeing as how February is definitely one of my least-favorite months, I'm looking forward to crossing it off the calendar. But spring is also my least favorite season, so I'm not that excited about March... or April... or even May. I guess it's a lose-lose situation!

With the changing seasons, I've been thinking about change in my own life. How there have been so many changes on the outside... I found myself going through a completely foreign life in a completely foreign routine to what I knew just 2 months ago... but not so many changes on the inside. Quiet moments during the day, or those few breif seconds when my head hits the pillow before I fall asleep, I feel that time isn't really passing by. It's like my life is just one big standstill and the rest of the world is going by around me.

Regardless, I have become aware that I made a huge career-chocie mistake!!

Journalism? English? Business? What??

I should be a singer!!! =)

Okay.
Not really. I'm not about to quit college and go off and make my own band. But, I've been told so many times the past 2 months this, that I figured I ought to share! For those of you who know me, I sing a lot. All the time. Random songs. Random moments. I started singing to entertain myself when I was a little girl. I took voice lessons last year, and my favorite class at college is CHOIR! =) One of the best memories I have from this last year is my brother and I hollering along with the Ipod player driving down the road around town.

Now that I work long hours, and often late into night, I find myself singing more often, especially at work. And although it took me by surprise, I have been approached on so many occassions by the various coworkers about my vocal talent!! First, I just kind of brushed it off. Three people?

Four? Six? Wow!!!

So, I've been thinking.If something goes wrong with this path of life....

I'm forming a group and hitting the road to become a singer! =)

Psalms 96:1 O sing unto the LORD a new song: sing unto the LORD, all the earth.

Psalms 98:4 Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.

February 21st

Happy President's Day!!!

It has been several weeks since I posted last, and I apologize. Adjustment has been slow and sure and hard. But I can see how God has been with me each day.

I got my first paycheck from my job on Tuesday.

Let me say, was I ever PUMPED!!!! =)
It only happens once in your life, so I am in celebration, and wanted to share with you all!

A few things to also share about how God has sent little blessings. A week ago or so, when I was running out of money waiting for that paycheck, I really wanted some hand sanitizer and some hand lotion. Even though it seems like a small sum, just a few dollas, when just a few dollars is all you have in your purse - it becomes huge. So I just pushed it aside.

Then, God sent me a care box! The first in over a year. Not only was I touched to see the care and thought, but also to see the *chocolate* =) and especially the hot chocolate mixes! But then I got to the bottom... and there was hand santizier, and hand lotion. Wow. I was so stunned. It was so little... but it was huge to me...

Don't overlook the little blessings God sends you in life!

I hope to update more this week, but my break at work is quickly over and so I will draw this to a close. I think of my reader often! I hope it has been a good month for everyone.

My closing verse is John 3:16. Which everyone knows... but it's still so true... God SO LOVED me... he sent his son... and did even more, like sending a care box! =)