Yellow Lamborghinis

Dream car? Lamborghini. Sunshine yellow, preferably, the color of pure happiness. I can just see myself cruising along the California coast with sunglasses on and brunette hair flying, relaxing to the breeze off the ocean and watching the waves crash against the shores. Blissful sigh. Odds are good that if that dream ever comes true, I'm sure I'll be fifty-something and my hair will be grey and my eyesight too bad to see the view as clearly as I see it now in my head. It's still a good dream.

Lately I've been talking to the kids in my life about love. Suddenly, now that Levi left me and technically I'm surviving the cold waters of a breakup, I've become an expert on love advice, apparently. At least to them. Not so much to myself. I mean, if I'm such an expert, the results aren't so good. Yesterday my car spun out on the highway and into a ditch at 60 miles an hour, when the car ahead of me lost control and did a 360. I had nowhere to go but the ditch, and missed T-boning my little borrowed car into the support beams for the overpass bridge by 5 literal feet. God sent an angel to shove my car out of the ditch and up the hill, rolling down to sink back into the ditch nose-first on the other side of the bridge beam. It was epic. I was never so scared in my life. First thought? Call Levi. About three excruciating seconds later, reality sunk in and I readjusted my plan. Call Dad. He was a thousand miles away but he was right there for me. For Valentines, I received a beautiful sculpted heart necklace from my parents to remind me that there is someone who will always, always love me. Lesson? Love your family, they will always be there for you no matter how busy they are or weighted down with priorities or how far away they are. Thanks, Dad.

But the kids I've been talking to aren't really in the same boat as me. Three or four successive breakups, and they are in tears about their future, in tears about their past, and disillusioned about love. God reminded me of my dream car, and I swallowed my pride to talk to them about what I really believed to be a major happening in today's youth (high school, college, everyone, really.)

It's like this. When you're born, God gives you a shiny yellow Lamborghini. My oh my but how beautiful it is, so shiny, so perfect, every curve and gleam just flawless from the dealership show floor. That's your heart. That's the gift of your love, that you carry within you. The keys are in your hand. It's all yours.

But what if no one notices? That sad, lonely feeling of not being loved. Of no one caring. Of no one even noticing what an amazing car you know you have. I think a lot of kids are like that. They are so excited to show off their car - who wouldn't be? It's the natural desire. The trouble is, they don't protect their car.

Along comes someone in nice clothes, with a big smile, and notices the car. WOW! What an awesome car! You light up with a smile as big as fireworks, giddy that someone has finally noticed. "Thanks!" you say, "Wanna go for a ride?" "Sure!" "Just be careful not to go too fast," you might caution. They assure you that they won't. They are a safe driver, for sure.

Big problem? You don't know them. You don't know their driving skills, or what their intentions are for your car. You judge them by how they look, how they act, and what they say... but you don't wait to see who they are. You just get so excited that someone has noticed your car, and give them the keys. The ending? They wreck the car. Or they steal it. Or they don't take care of it and let it get banged up. Why should they take care of it, anyways? They don't know you. It's not their car. It was a lucky find.

Now, you're left with a banged up Lamborghini and the value is wayyyy less. Talk about sadness, hurt, and all the rest of the emotions that come along with it. But the next person that comes by, and notices, you do the same thing. Wow! A Lamborghini! Kinda beat up, but, wow! A real Lamborghini?! You may be a little less quick to give them the keys, but you do. "Please be careful." "Don't worry, I'll never hurt it like the last person."

A big mistake later, you find yourself alone with a car in even worse condition. The cycle continues. Until suddenly you aren't sure of yourself at all. Do you even have a nice car? Does it even run anymore? Is there anyone in the world worth trusting? So much pain and confusion.

Your heart is your dream car. You can't just hand the keys over. You have to wait and see who the person really is. It may be lonely or impatient to wait, but you must protect your car. If it seems to be turning out well, you may offer to let the person go for a ride WITH you. Keep waiting until you are sure, convinced from God, that the person is trustworthy of the keys, before you hand them over.

Who do you let drive your car? Your family, your best friend, maybe? Very few other people. A car costs a lot of money, and the damage from a wreck can be lethal. No one just lends out their car, Lamborghini or not. A best friend? They earned the right to drive the car. They prove they care about you, your belongings, your treasures. They will respect your car. They will treat it right, drive it responsibly, and return it in good condition. If they are a great friend, they might even take it through the wash on the way back and top off the gas tank! What a blessing! That is the only person you should let have access to your keys.

So that's my advice. Your heart is a Lamborghini. If it's been wrecked, banged up, don't despair. God is the great dealership that made it in the first place- the car isn't worthless. He can rebuild it, and maybe make it even stronger from the wrecks. It's His workmanship and He is capable of miracles with your heart. But don't just hand over the keys to the first person who notices the car. Wait and pray and see if they earn that right.

I think a huge issue these kids deal with - they want so badly to be loved, feel loved. A different kind of love than familial love, that very special kind. They don't understand how someone could just wreck their car. But that's life. Handing over the keys is their choice, and it's their job to safeguard that car and wait and see if the person is trusted. The right person will respect the value of the car, and invest the time to earn your trust. They will treat you right. They will never wreck your car from carelessness.

On a personal note............ people are people and free will is still an option. Sometimes you can know someone for several years, pray and pray and wait and find them faithful, and even feel convinced of God's will when you hand over the keys... and then they crash the car anyways, and you are left with the wreck. That kind of betrayal hurts deeply. Especially when they walk away from the wreck that they caused and don't look back. Don't care to help you fix it all up. That kind of abandonment cuts deeply.

But that doesn't change what God can do. He can still take those broken parts and craft the car back together. It's still a Lamborghini from His factory. It may hurt for a long time, and maybe it'll take forever for you to trust anyone with the keys again, but that's okay. Trust God. Love your family. And protect your Lamborghini. Take it for a cruise along the shore and just enjoy being the one with the keys for a while. Maybe someday, God will send you that best friend to ride along with you and share that drive.

Winter Isolation

It's cold and bleak outside, the bitter wind sweeping off the open range and carrying with it all the chill of isolation. The skies are grey, the ground is frozen stiff, and the trees are dead. Thorny branches scratch against my window as the chilling wind wraps its way around campus, stealing life and breath with its sharp knife. This is how January is ending, the first month of a new year that has been anything but what I'd hoped.

At least I'm inside curled up with my laptop, the first student teaching seminar finally over and my head pounding with an overload of new responsibilities and deadlines. It's not that I don't have homework already or projects I could get started on but.... I'm just overwhelmed right now. And I can't go into work today for my 9 hour shift with that kind of pressure and expect to be any kind of calm, dependable leader for my team. So here I sit and write.


Today was my last academic day on campus. It's the strangest feeling... a bit of relief, a bit of fear, and a great deal of sadness. The feel of isolation that winter brings to the world has crept into my very blood. Since Levi left me and I've been alone, the feeling pervades every minute of my existence.... that great terribly aloneness. Not that being alone is bad, and once I loved it, but it's a cruel exchange when my life just yesteryear was thriving off an insatiable craving to be 100% part of someone else's life too. Now there's just me, and the 105 days left to graduation, and the wind outside.


Which brings me to say a very big thank you for all the notes and calls of encouragement.... especially to my family... because I couldn't be trucking on today relying solely in God's unfathomable sovereignty if it wasn't for that support. It means so much even if I don't have the enthusiasm right now to appropriately respond or even return the kindness. Please keep praying for me, I have so very far to go...


I've received my student teaching placement. For obvious and painful reasons, I'm electing to keep those details private but at least some of the huge void in my future has been penciled in. Today was the first seminar- there will be six- when the academic deans lectured us about our new responsibilities and projects. Because student teaching, observing, and reporting isn't quite enough for a semester of work... There are more than 20 papers and additional projects to be completed and filed. Lovely! (note the sarcasm) And the 5am-10pm nonstop Mon-Friday schedule is going to be utterly exhausting. At least traditional college classes come with empty periods when I could slip in a nap or get ahead on a project for the next day. Nope. All day every day I'll be gone away at a high school and then at Panera Bread, working and then working again towards my degree on May 16th. I've never been more dependent on a single date in my entire life! Except for November 18th, but... life happens. =( Luckily, I'll have the weekends completely "free." Free for 30% sleep, 40% church, 30% project time. Oh boy. I do hope that being off campus all day every day will bring some relief to the position I've been enduring right now. The isolation will come with me, but at least the memories won't be assaulting me at every turn. The finality of physical distance can do a lot, too.


My passage from Ecclesiastes comes back to me. There is a time for every season. A time to have it easy, and a time to push yourself! Goodbye last semester, hello this semester. Paul also had a word to say on changing circumstances: a time to abound, and a time to be abased. A time for winter, and a time for spring. I am very much longing for the spring, for any change for the better, any peeping grassling, any faint ray of sunshine, any velvety treebud. But for now, the present is the present. Just me, the winter, and the freezing wind.

A Forgotten Pasttime

I suppose writing will always be my solace. During the intense times of happiness, the ability and passion escapes me like any telltale sign of precipitation on a sunny summer day. But in the shallows of life, the words begin to well up in me like a desert oasis filling with rain, brim to overflowing. And so it is today. In the wake of my public breakup with Levi Fowler, the love of my life, I find the hurt and confusion giving birth to literacy. Perhaps it is only when my intellect is truly in touch with my feelings that I have anything to offer to the world of writing. That is surely the case of my one and only serious literary work, The Gothic Girl. I am proud to say that after months of procrastination and intimidation, I wrote a query letter, synopsis, introduction letter, and sent them off to a local publisher. Now the waiting game... the praying time. I have illusions that my work is worth publishing note but I hope that for the message behind the book's sake, it will find a place into the reading selection of American teens.
Life finds me once again facing a new adventure... the road to graduation. The homestretch. The deadly final semester when derailing seems almost inevitable. If I fail to keep a stable, beneficial relationship in my own personal life, I find double determination to persevere in my educational career. In just 129 days, me and 93 other lucky students will be able to walk across the platform of Southwest Baptist Church and throw off our caps forever. Yes, forever. Five years and too many heartbreaks later, my Bible college career will be an accomplishment and not a daily struggle.
But before I can put on my dancing shoes, I have to face student teaching. Soon, soon, soon I will be selected for a Christian school and assigned a class where I will be spending my days observing, learning, and even trying my own hand at teaching high schoolers English, Literature, and the Language Arts. If my advisory teacher and head of education find my efforts satisfactory, I will graduate.
In preparation, my mom took me shopping over Christmas break and we began to plan the first basic step any girl would take before becoming a new teacher- the wardrobe. Hello pencil skirts, peplum blouses, and pastel blazers. Goodbye all the old comforts in the welcome of a new year, a new position, and a new responsibility. Goodbye walking with my ex-boyfriend to classes, taking sick days, going to chapel. Hello leather tote, 6:30am departure shuttle, and the loneliness of a new school. Heaven help me.
I've weeded through my friends list time and time again so that the only people who have access to my personal feed and writing are the people that have demonstrated their love and involvement in my life. I just wanted to say thank you to this small, irreplaceable group of supporters who have endured the ups and downs of my life, especially as of recently. I covet your prayers at this time. I hope that through the trials, I will be able to find the experience God is wanting to teach me. And when that day comes, I hope to share it with you all.

June 16, 2012

Noelle's Fresh Tomato and Mozzarella Pizza

Being home has its perks! Like real food. =D And for those of us who consider culinary undertakings a therapeutic retreat, being able to cook my own food is something I look forward to with great excitement. Especially when the produce is fresh from the farmer's market down the street or pulled from our own kitchen garden.

Friday nights has long since been an O'Brien tradition - pizza, Pepsi, and a movie or boardgame as a family. But unlike the American version, which would entail picked up the phone and calling Papa John's delivery services, the "pizza" phase actually denotes several hours in the kitchen - from three to five, depending on the amount of pizzas being baked up.

It all begins with a little fine flour, fragrant olive oil, and fresh basil. From there the sauce is simmered on the stove - rich chunks of tomato blended with Italian spices and raw garlic. Kendon is the master of sauce for us, and he is not want to disappoint. =)

The dough is made from scratch on an vintage solid wood board, flour and milk blended by hand in a rhythmic massage called kneading. Yeast and sugar, the key ingredients for the sweet, "pillowy" consistency of the crust, are warmed until the yeast begins to puff into a fluffy balm. Combined with the flour into dough, it is left to rise for an hour or two, then punched down, and left to rise again. Keeping the dough warm and moist is essential to attain correcting proofing. The bowl is left near a warm stove, floating in a sink of warm water, or covered with warm towels and placed in the close proximity of a microwave.

In the meantime, the knives come out and fresh vegetables are prepped for toppings. Take your pick - but our selection is usually sweet peppers (yellow and orange), golden onion, black kalamata olives, green olives, white mushrooms, ripe red tomatoes, whole garlic cloves, squash, and pineapple. (yes, pineapple!) Herbs? Fresh basil and cilantro, finely chopped and bruised to release their delicate oils and aroma.
Meat? Well, the guys buff it up with pepperonis from the US, but I prefer seasoned chicken or sardines in oil. Dog tastes decent as well.... okay, just kidding. =P But no giving me a hard time about my seafood! lol
Sharp yellow and orange Russian cheese, grated, is the last of the preparations.

Roll out the dough on a floured surface, pat onto a baking stone prepared with oil. I prefer my pizza to be deep-dish crust, about an inch and a half thick, and placed into a pie pan. Sauce, cheese, and toppings. Bake for twenty blissful minutes as the smell fills the house, and voila - dinner, the O'Brien way.
Compelled by my adventurous spirit from time to time to experiment a little, I took the key ingredients of my favorite Panera Bread panini, tomato and fresh mozzarella, and turned it into a pizza. Atop a bed of sauce and cheese, I spread large slabs of fresh mozzarella and slices of tomato, alternating in a checkered pattern across the whole pizza. Sprinkle fresh basil here and there (be liberal!) and then crush fresh garlic, sprinkling over the tomatoes. Be sure to be liberal with the garlic as well... there are fewer ingredients that produce better taste and aroma!

If you have a camera ready when the first piece is sliced from the oven, hot and bubbly, you can capture the mozzarella stringing in jaw-dropping perfection. =) As the Russians say, Na zdorovye! Enjoy =))


Red Sauce:

1 8oz tomato paste
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp marjoram
1/2 tsp basil
2-3 whole cloves of garlic, crushed

Pizza Dough:

2 tsp vinegar
3/4 cup water
3/4 cup milk
1 tbsp yeast
1 tbsp sugar
2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
*microwave for 30 seconds until yeast begins to rise, stir, let sit 15 minutes
4 cups flour
*combine liquids with flour and stir, knead on a floured surface, and place in a lightly-greased, covered bowl for 1-2 hours or until doubled
*punch dough with fist, portion into balls the size of a two fists, and roll out into desired thickness for crust.
*let sit 10 minutes on baking stone, top with ingredients

Bake 20 minutes or until golden on the bottom. Be prepared to fight over who gets second helpings!

June 9th, 2012

My brother is married!!!!! Steven and Nina tied the knot on June 02, and I could not be happier! I have the world's best little sister now, and Nina and I have already managed to sneak in an exclusive shopping day as legal siblings. We bought shoes =) What a perfect week!

The big day was simply ethereal. As Steven later said, "The wedding was magnificent, enchanting..." And enchanting it was. From Nina's dress of Indonesian lace and Italian satin, to the caravan of black Mercedes, to the best man's custom designed bowtie, to the banquet of  nine courses, and then of course the waterfall tiered cake to follow.... it was overwhelming. There will be professional photos uploaded on Facebook sometime next week, and I will sneak a few of my favorites on this blog. =)

I had the privilege of being Nina's maid of honor, and it was so much fun. She was the ideal bride, in every way. I was inspired by her tranquility, her excitement, her attention to detail, her thoughtfulness of her guests, her devotion to her fiance/groom. And the Lord's blessing was all over her and Steven as the event turned out better than anyone could have imagined!

The ceremony was held in the church, fresh for it dedication that coming Sunday, with the pristine white marble tile spreading like a milky glass sea from the foyer up to the wedding arch. Floating candles, a profusion of white Dutch roses, floor-length satin drapes gathered in billowy folds along every wall, an overflowing gift table... every thing was a fairytale. Nina's wedding colors, pearlescent white and dramatic royal purple, stood out in vivid contrast against the empty canvas of the newly-finished church. Wow.
The ceremony was packed with emotion. Both fathers cried, the mothers cried, the best man (Kendon, groom's brother) kept chasing the ring bearer (Sasha, bride's little brother), the guests awwed at the first church wedding they had ever seen. The vows were bilingual. Steven recited his in English, and Nina in Russian, but the first kiss was without interpretation.... everyone cheered =)

The reception kicked off the arrival of the caravan for the destination photoshoot. The bridal party rode in sleek black Mercedes, while select guests followed in a white bus. We toured the historic parks and gardens of the city, frolicking along cobblestone streets, playing at the fountains of the Grand Theatre where the Russian ballet performs, and jumping off WWII monuments. The main sights were the Kharkov Arch and Reflection Pool, adjacent from the theatre, Freedom Square, second largest square in the world, and Park Gorkova, a small city in size with mile-long alleys and perfectly sculpted lines of silver fir, delicate birch, shady maple, skyscraper cottonwood. The morning started with romantic rain showers, and ended with translucent sunshine. Thank you, God, for adding your own touch =)

Congratulations, Steven and Nina!

With love from your little sister <3

May 21, 2012

Hello and howdy from the land of tornadoes, Panera Bread, and brown recluse spiders. Yes, that's right - a brown recluse spider - in my shower. MY shower. Me, barefoot, running for my life, screaming murder, from a hairy brown feller the size of a small apple that crept up within INCHES of me. That's right. I was INCHES from death, as of yesterday morning. Well, I am happy to report, that spider met boot and boot won. *round of applause* I sure felt like a jungle missionary heroine, squishing spiders at 5am as I get ready for a long day at work in the sweltering Oklahoma City. Bring on the arachnids. I'm an experienced killer now.

In this ever-exciting little life of mine, I find myself in a time of transition. This is a hard time. It is very difficult to find peace and contentment when everything is changing and there's no "solid ground" around. Classes are over, finals down, and I landed the President's List with all A's except for one B which I plan to contend as of tomorrow, thank you very much. (unhappy frown)
And yet I am not really lodged here for a summer stay, because in a week - SEVEN SHORT DAYS!!!- I am packing a suitcase, tossing on my European clothes agin (heavenly sigh) and climbing onto a jet plane home. YAY!!!!! Sooooooo excited!!! And just two days after I arrive, the festivities begin - Steven and Nina will be married Saturday, June 2nd, and three weeks later Katrina and Jonathan will be married Thursday, June 21st. So happy for them!!!!!
Then, I will be returning to OKC for the rest of the summer, and bringing back with me my youngest brother Kendon! He will need a good full-time job immediately to make his downpayment to begin Bible college, so please please.... be praying God gives him one right away! I am so excited to have him with me here in OKC. Not so much here in OKC, as much as, with me. =)

I'm also in the middle of a job transfer. Yes, gasp....... the happy little Panera trainer is seeking other employment. Actually, she's looking for the right career and planning to get her little engines going in a permanent direction. I'll be transfering my Panera stores for one called Brixton Square, on the other side of Lake Hefner. The redeeming feature? It has a drive-thru!! =) And to keep my store-wide-trainer status, I'll be training on drive-thru as soon as I move over, in June just as soon as I fly back after the weddings. I am not really happy about it, because it's not exactly what I wanted. I love my location in Nichols Hills. LOVE. Quiet, secluded, upper class, far from the dreary college neighborhood. The Brixton Square location is also far away and secluded, but.... this is where I began. I practically trained every single employee I work with.... and it will be so strange to be the newcomer, the odd one out. And yet, I need it. Because things at my Panera have become very, very, wrong and I know that God wants me to leave. It's just hard.

There's another big transition coming in my life, but I'm not in charge of that one. And the other party is taking their sweet time. lol So that will have to wait for the next update!

I hope that everyone's summers are beginning well. That everyone is staying safe. Please remember me in your prayers, that God will fix my heart with His peace because HE NEVER CHANGES. My life is securely tucked in his palm. Amen.

May 15, 2012

CLASSES ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) Big hurrah... Friday the campus shut down and I moved my boxes out, locking the door behind me and not looking back. Twenty credit hours and six months after I flew back to the USA this winter, I have finished my junior year. Hello, Miss Senior. That's right! Me, the top dog, finally eligible to contend for a bottom bunk, larger closet space, and better parking. And the finish line to my Bible college journey is finally just a few short steps away! Very small, comfortable short steps for little petite me, too! =) This time next year, almost exactly, I'll be dancing across the stage to receive my diploma, my handshake, my 3-seconds-of-recognition for four years of too much work. May 16th, 2013. Mark you calendars! It's going to be a fun day =)

The future on pause for a few minutes - this post is about this past semester. I wanted to say thankyou to everyone who prayed for me. I truly could not have made it without God's strength. So many times my own failed, but He always helped me along and somehow, I made it! The effectual fervant prayers of a righteous man availeth much.... so much =) James 5:16

I did something new this semester. As classes finished up and finals began, I took a few nights to write down the people whom God had allowed me to meet this semester and tried to list a few things I have learned from them or can learn from them. Sometimes it was all negative, but there was so much positive.... I found myself inspired by the little things I'd seen in people, and overwhelmed by how much I have to grow! The very nature of college demands that many people will cross my path only for this one semester, and especially now that I am transferring Panera jobs, I wanted to make sure that the opportunity I had was not taken for granted. I blotted out the names and specifics, but I wanted to attach a part of the list here and encourage all my readers to never grow complacent where they are. I tend to ignore the people around me, because I'm not very social and have little interaction due to my hectic work and school load, but God put it on my heart to stop and open my eyes and try to grow, grow, grow...

I am looking forward to such a good summer! =)

* pray. for everything. Cherish family. enjoy the journey of life. look for value in the broken things. love.
* really care about people (even strangers). take time to talk to them. smile. a lot. be true to your convictions. laugh while you're young. sing while you vaccuum. make a "wow" experience to *everyone* who crosses your path.
* kill your enemies with kindness. it pays off in the end.
* encouragement is never out of style. keep drawing. maybe someday you'll make a picture that looks real.
* dress cute no matter what. and a cute purse WILL be noticed. Also a hug, a wave, a compliment goes a long way to building a friendship.
* be ambitious. each curve is a new challenge. live with zest. throw the rulebook out once a semester and live a little. scary movies are the BEST. always have icecream and tissues. girl nights.
* love God, and love your boyfriend. devotion is a beautiful thing. so is sincerety.
* go the extra mile yourself. Inspire others by working hard. Add on a little love <3
* people appreciate being told they are appreciated. treating those beneath you to a little something special is a huge morale boost.
* pay attention to details, and they will bring you attention.
* if you have a car, offer a ride.
* don't be competitive. don't ever leave your car a mess. don't ever chose favorites.
* it's okay to excell. to be a quick learner. to do your best all the time. and to have cute nails at work.
* be a good friend. long ticket times are lame, but getting yourself hurt in the process just makes them longer....
* don't take out your bad day on someone. it may come back to bite you and give you a bad reputation.

....and so many more!