April 22, 2012

Acts 20:24 "But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy..." This verse jumped out at me, quite literally, from the book I was reading for spiritual development class, right into my face. Lately I've been really struggling with a lot of things, and in my head I keep telling myself, "Just hang on, the year is almost out!" But it seems so hard!! Especially when things are coming at me from every direction, right? Well this verse just really means a lot of me. I made a list the other day of everything that was bothering me (I admit it was extensive lol) and just went over it with the Lord and my close friends and my Dad. Work was a big one - the environment has been changing, and management is now changing, and my potential for advancement is now being limited due to corporate policies that conflict with school... Such a huge crushing blow to me, the Panera girl who loves her work. =( Another one is classes, with so much due and being fined for things I didn't deserve and just aghhhhhh! The dorm, which has always been a heavy trial to me, has become almost unbearable... And then on top of THAT, the weddings and preparation, the struggles my own brothers and sister and going through... so so much. Then I found this verse! And Paul's invincible bravery: "NONE of these things move me!" I may be facing nothing that Paul faced, but his words resonated for me. Really, none of these things should move me. God is my Rock. enough said. "Neither count I my life dear unto MYSELF." Grrr. A hard one to admit. My life *is* dear to me. My plans, my reputation, my future, my family, my precious 6 hours of sleep.... And they shouldn't be. They should be sacrificed for God. For His plan. Surrendered to His grace and strength, because mine surely does not cut it! I suppose the root is self-centeredness or even pride. It is so hard at times to look past my own crazy hectic whirlwind and see the bigger picture... "So that I might FINISH my course with JOY." Amen! I can remember three or four distinct times this semester when I wanted, so badly, to walk away and quit. The Lord always gave me strength and grace and here I am - facing the last week of classes, then finals and my sister's graduation! - and I feel like blowing up and quitting it all??? How lame. And yet, in reality, so many people quit when they are almost there. Almost to graduation. Almost done with deputation. Almost almost almost. It is so easy to quit when it is almost! And Paul addresses that. To finish, and finish with JOY, and not frustrated all sliding into home base beat-up, worn-down, burned-out, scraped-up, fed-up.... that requires (1) steadfastness, and (2) the mind of Christ (selflessness). Please pray for me while I finish these last weeks. I hope this is a little bit of encouragement for everyone out there who is struggling with the artillery firing from every direction.